Dork Deep Down

This item is known simply as Green Man. For $30 (plus $10 shipping anywhere in the U.S.) you can do whatever you want with him. We're still trying to figure out exactly what that would be. Perhaps most haunting is that he's gazing to his right, like he's expecting something to happen.

$75. For a yarn bowl! This kinda looks like the Cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland, if you watched it on mushrooms like any normal person. But this cat looks more surprised. Use it to scare babies and drug addicts. Hide it under something and see what happens.

Another $75 yarn bowl. This one irreverently signifies the pending Apocalypse, and looks like a loony Jaba the Hut, too. That's just what everyone wants in the midst of a yarn project.

It's an urn. It's a vase. It's...Yoda's brother, according to the description. And it's yours for $65. Plus $17.80 shipping...This thing is almost more terrifying than the Apocalyptic yarn bowl.

It's a Frida shadow box! If by Frida you mean a dolled up Dennis Blunden from that show Head of the Class. What's missing from this piece? Cheek bones. Eyeballs. A neck.

Dan Schneider, who played Dennis on Head of the Class.

"Hey Ray, get the hell outta bed and take a picture with this cup!" Actually, if this guy ever sees this, I hope he knows we mean no disrespect. It's actually an awesome photo and he's our new hero. He's like "yeah, I'm selling this mug, but I don't want to make a big thing out of it or anything." And it's a cool mug, too. Give us a minute while we take our faces out of his butt hole.

Hey, let's just make a piece of crap bowl out of all our leftover clay and call it art. And sell it for $57 plus $15.80 shipping. The precision is appreciated.

They call this a collander. Seriously? It's pretty but it's got less holes than any of us, even the guys. Maybe call it a bowl, with a couple holes that just happened to appear.

The cat litter container is upsetting. The overturned coffee mug is insulting.